The Five C’s We Expect From Our Advisors

Have you fretted over an unpredictable situation?  My anxiety increases when I have to face my fears and need to be honest with my family, friends, and sometimes clients.  I am concerned our relationship may be jeopardized.  Perhaps you face the same dilemma. 

When someone has a problem or a concern, they may ask for our advice.  We realize our answer might not be one they want to hear.  Potentially they may be upset that we even suggested such a preposterous solution. 

 

Take this situation from a different angle. Imagine a tough conversation with your advisor about budgeting, succession planning, or a major real estate purchase. You need financial direction. Because of your solid relationship, whatever advice your advisor offers, you would certainly consider. You wouldn’t expect your advisor to be shaking in their boots afraid of your response. After all, you are counting on their expertise to help you analyze the best option.  However, you have to evaluate their qualifications and it’s acceptable to do so.

My top five C’s are intermingled with a few minor C’s.  Feel free to pick through the entire list of attributes. 

  

Competent

Because our advisors possess the professional knowledge, we trust their judgment. We simply cannot know all the fine details about a specific topic. Take tax planning as an example. The Income Tax Act is complicated to understand.  Not all the pieces of the tax legislation apply to everyone; however, we still need to filter through the pieces pertaining to our unique situations.

Whether it’s tax planning, legal advice, or insurance analysis, we are presented with many possibilities which make our final decision more onerous. Choosing what is in our best interest needs to be interpreted by a professional   This leads us to the next skill our professional advisor must possess.

Communicators

Because our advisor communicates effectively, we recognize the reasons behind their recommendations. They talk at our level of understanding. Quite often the industry’s jargon will fly over our heads so any strategies must be explained in easy-to-understand language. Logic dictates that if we don’t understand the plan, we won’t understand the benefits. Communication is a two-way street.  Our professional advisor may possess all the textbook knowledge but the real skill is delivering the information so we get it.

Imagine your accountant saying, “We need to complete the Section 85 Rollover Form” versus “We need to complete the Do-Not-Tax-Me Form”. Notice the walls of the language barrier self-destruct. When our advisor takes down any language barriers, they are building trust in our relationship.  We automatically feel an ownership in the strategy because they communicated their reasons effectively.   

Candid

Because our advisor is candid, we can trust and believe their advice is in our best interest. As our relationship continues to build, we develop a strong connection.  This ideal chemistry allows our minds to be opened to tough conversations when we are told something with sincere honesty that our way isn’t foolproof.

   

     “That vehicle loan you think you need will financially drag you down. The debt servicing  calculation shows where you stand.” 

        

This takes us to the next quality we should expect from our advisor.

Courageous

Because our advisor is undeniably confident, we can expect them to be fearlessly courageous with us.  Sitting on the other side of the desk in their office or around our kitchen table, we should expect our advisors to be courageously upfront with us even though we may not initially appreciate what they have to say. 

     “It’s going to cost us how much?”

     “You are telling me this is what can happen if I don’t do that?” 

Certainly, the expectation is there’ll be some objections (or pushback) when an idea is first presented.  But here’s the reality, we don’t need someone to appease us.  When they understand our situation and have the courage to tell us, then we are given the right information to make a wise choice.  We don’t have to like what they are saying to understand what they are saying is for our benefit.   

For any business, the two most difficult topics are succession and estate planning.  When business decisions impact an entire family, that’s a different ball game than selling a business and retiring with the sale proceeds.  This is when we expect our advisors to step up to the plate and help create a financial plan for a family business.  

Committed

Because our advisor is 100% committed to us, we feel confident in our decisions.  They presented all the facts, they completed their homework, they developed potential solutions, they explained the benefits and consequences of actions.  They have given their all (skills, knowledge, and expertise). When they hand in the assignment we have given them, then we can grade them on their performance based on our satisfaction. Most likely, they achieve a high mark because of their commitment to us.  When we are at peace with their advice, we can rest knowing our affairs are in order.

It’s a known fact that people in any sales industry (banking, insurance, dealerships, investments, etc.) have sales targets. Advisors who put our interests before their own earn our respect.  Our appreciation grows for the advisor who sets aside the target in the interest of doing what’s best for us.  Knowing our needs matter tells us our advisor is completely committed to doing their best for us. 

Togetherness

The next time you pick up a coin, pay attention to both sides.  You would agree neither side contributes more to its value.  The value is determined in unison. This truth applies to the relationship between our advisors and us.  The value of our joint relationship determines our success in our personal, financial, and business lives.   Neither of us (the advisor or client) should fear honesty because we are afraid of jeopardizing the relationship.  (In fact, the opposite could happen when we are not truthful. Our relationship may be compromised.)

When intentions are sincere and the advice is solid, the outcome will always be positive.  Great advice is directed to help and not harm us.  Regardless whether you are the taker or deliverer of advice, your relationship is built on a foundation of trust and respect and no one should have anything to fear. 

Always Room for Improvement

"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give."

Winston Churchill

 

Imagine an ideal world where everyone cooperates and lives in perfect harmony.

I sense a long pause.  This dream seems impossible, doesn’t it?   Our self-centered egos are the problem. We allow our ideals to interfere without giving any thought to others’ ideals.  As self-seeking and goal-achieving individuals, we need to stop for one minute to evaluate what is important in our lives.  We need to take stock of our inventory, the people involved in our lives and businesses.  Winston Churchill’s quote shifts our paradigm to see the reality.  We may be profitable in the business sense but are we profitable in our relationships?

Strong, deep-meaningful relationships are desired by everyone; however, attaining that depth requires mutual work and commitment between us. People are emotional beings seeking love and respect.  Relationships don’t just happen. A quick method for the ideal relationship only magically appears in fiction books.  

For the most part, our willingness to cooperate may occur only when situations are in our favor on our terms.  Our reluctance to compromise can stir up embedded emotions and resentments which are counteractive to building sound relationships.   We are quick to point fingers at the perceived flaws of others.  They are stubborn, easily angered, and manipulative but we fail to look closely at our own flaws.  We assume we are right in our thinking.  What we may think is our greatest strength might very well be seen as our greatest weakness by others.  I could be the most goal-focused determined individual but taken to an extreme, I can be seen as very controlling.

 

That’s why John C. Maxwell’s book, Winning with People, is so helpful.  His teaching based on twenty-five principles helps to examine our motives in five different areas:

q The Readiness Question: Are We Prepared for Relationships?

q The Connection Question:  Are We Willing to Focus on Others?

q The Trust Question:  Can We Build Mutual Trust?

q The Investment Question:  Are We Willing to Invest in Others?

q The Synergy Question:  Can We Create A Win-Win Relationship?

I think you would agree that our desire and attempts to “fix” others never works in our favor. Study after study, quote after quote, says we must first “focus and fix” ourselves.   Whether we are dealing with our own perception of any given situation, our attitude towards another person, or our own action and reaction, looking at our behavior provides us with beneficial insight for growth and change.

Let’s learn how by taking a peek at one of John’s principles, The Hammer Principle. This one got my attention. John writes, “Never Use a Hammer to Swat a Fly Off Someone’s Head.”

John’s willingness to share his inappropriate approach to dealing with conflict early in his marriage helps us learn from him and reflect on our own behavior.  He claimed he always made sure he won every argument with his wife, Margaret, until Margaret finally sat him down, shared her feelings and explained what his approach was doing to their relationship.    

John wrote: 

From that day I decided to change. Realizing that having the right attitude was more important than having the right answers, I softened my approach, listened more, and stopped making a big deal out of little things.  In time, the wall that had begun to form came down, and we began building bridges.  And since that time, I’ve made a conscious effort to initiate connection anytime I’m in conflict with someone I care about.

Our words have the ability to either build people up or to tear them down.  You can see the effects a hammer can have on any relationship.  If you see the other person or the situation as the nail, you will use a hammer to strike a solution.  A hammer approach is harsh and domineering, an inappropriate method to build a relationship.  The choice is ours to evaluate our preferred approach:  one which creates a peaceful harmonious conversation or a hostile one. 

The best part about the book, Winning with People, is that we are not left stranded.  John is quick to share the principles, point out the problems, provide plausible solutions, and offer self-assessment questions.  In this chapter on the Hammer Principle, he delivers six different approaches to trading in your hammer for a velvet glove. His wisdom is a gift we can give to ourselves and our loved ones.

If your family business is having various challenges, you can choose to discuss one principle at your weekly business meetings until all twenty-five principles have been reviewed.  Once you have gone through the book, you can repeat the process. Because new situations keep occurring, reading, sharing and discussing allows the principles to become part of your everyday interaction with others.  The principles help us learn from our mistakes, utilize the ongoing training with everyday challenges, and develop stronger family relationships.    

If you are constantly confronting people and facing strong resistance, Winning with People provides insightful knowledge and skills to create the change in us and in our relationships with others. When we make a conscious effort to improve our relationships with family and friends, then we make a life by what we give as Winston Churchill so wisely proclaimed.

 

11 Considerations for Developing Shared Goals

David Bach wrote in his book, Smart Couples Finish Rich, that “a couple’s financial plan is a lot like a plane with two engines.  If both engines aren’t pointed in the same direction or working at roughly equal power, you are going to have problems.  Without teamwork, financial planning for most couples becomes a battle, not a victory.”

Similarly if the engines aren’t pointed towards mutually shared goals, you are going to have problems.  For a family business with multiple individuals, you can imagine the dilemma if business goals are not predetermined.   There are more than two engines with the capacity to help a business soar or crash into the ground.   Having shared goals is important to maximize the collective strength of the family to ensure not only their business goals are achieved but their personal and family goals as well.

Here are some thoughts to consider when creating your list of shared goals.      

(1) Working together towards a common goal is often achieved with commitment and collaboration to create a favorable outcome. Special projects and events bind a family together rather than tear them apart.  A good example is harvest when everyone is on board to get the crop in the bins.

(2) Understanding why a goal is important to the operation of the business is critical.  Family members are likely to take a shared interest in the goal if they see the value in the proposal.  “Why should we buy a new combine when the old one works just fine?” When everyone has a stake in the decision-making process, unity towards the shared goal is achieved.  

(3) Showing respect preserves your relationship even when opposing a person’s proposed goal.  You are not saying “No” to the person rather to the proposal. The proposal is not a shared goal if it doesn’t fit the overall plan of the operation.  Cultivating relationships built on honesty, trust, and respect are the nuts and bolts of a family business.  When family members understand the decision is turned down for business reasons, not personal, they are receptive.

(4) Making logical and rational points for a proposal based on the facts is helpful in the decision-making process.    Compromise meets in the middle.  A well thought-out project might not happen this year. “No” doesn’t entirely mean “No”. “No” may mean “Not now” but rather “Let’s plan for next year.”

(5) Keeping the business family informed helps everyone understand the present financial status of the operation. There’s a time to be frugal and a time to splurge. The key is knowing when the time is right to do neither.  When they are allowed to ask questions, like “Can we afford this tractor?” they have both an interest and a willingness to understand the practicality of the shared goal.  Their presence gives them a voice in the shared goals; otherwise they may feel excluded, resentful, and unwilling to show their support.    

(6) Understanding the commitment to the shared goal, both in terms of labour and finances, needs to be addressed.  “Do we have the resources to undertake a special project this year?”  “Can we adequately farm another section of land?”

(7) Having too many proposed goals creates confusion.   Setting time lines and establishing priorities are favorable for accomplishing goals in an agreed upon order.  Shared goals should never be seen as “your idea” or “my idea” but rather converted and renamed as "our ideas”.

(8) Seeking help from other advisors will provide clarity and direction on how and when to proceed with unique projects.  The logistics, both the pros and cons, are best analyzed by a professional.  A “second opinion” can also serve as a buffer when the discussions about shared goals are stalled. 

(9) Agreeing to disagree and stepping away may be the best solution if a shared goal cannot be established. Relationships are important. Keep a clear perspective on your expectations and your current reality.  These could be miles apart and play havoc with your emotions.  You can’t make someone do what you want done.  A good read is the book, Why Don’t You Want What I Want, by Rick Maurer.     

(10) Learning and understanding your family’s unique personality type and communication style will serve you well in negotiating your shared goals.  Reference to these need-to-know-and-understand traits was made in the blogs, What Colours Build You and How Did We Get It So Wrong.   Tweaking your listening skills will be an added benefit.  Read How Good are Your Listening Skills.

(11)  Hosting meaningful open meetings about shared goals begins with well-established rules. Jolene Brown, farmer, professional speaker, author and champion of family owned businesses, has a Code of Conduct for Your Farm Business.  She would gladly share a copy when you email her.  Your Code of Conduct identifies your values and expectations and sets the foundation for a strong and thriving business.

I wished I could say “communication is easy”. I would be fooling myself and you if I did. Communication becomes complicated when our emotions kick in. Emotions tend to get in the way of logic.  There’s a lot at stake when working with family members especially when establishing business goals.  I believe if you are sincere and trustworthy in your communication, loyalty, and love will prevail.   Setting aside egos and giving up control will open the doors to better cooperation. Then a sincere desire will emerge to create a soaring family business built on mutually-agreed-upon goals.

Please share what works the best for you to create "A Dozen Considerations for Developing Shared Goals."   

How Good Are Your Listening Skills?

Many disputes can be resolved with good communication skills.  If we would consider the impact of our words on others, we might not say them at all. When we are not thinking clearly because we are angry, that’s when words spew out of our mouths with little consideration.    Everyone knows it’s impossible to retract words once they have been spoken out loud.  

You would think that we put our vocal chords to good use and speak far more any other mode of communication.  Yet according to this chart, 70% of our communicating is spent listening compared to speaking, reading, or writing.  Because listening is one of the skills we use the most, perfecting this skill now has a heightened importance. 

Based on the research of: Adler, R., Rosenfeld, L. and Proctor, R. (2001)
Interplay: the process of interpersonal communicating (8th edn), Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt.

Whatever skills we want to improve, we look for resources to help us.  We don’t necessarily need a university degree on a particular subject but certainly some pointers are helpful. SkillsYouNeed, an international web-based service founded in the heart of Wales, a rural part of the United Kingdom, provides valuable insight on this topic.  A practical and useful list, 10 principles of listening, has been compiled to hone our skills.  For expanded information on each principle, click here.

1. Stop Talking.  “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen we would have two tongues and one ear.” Mark Twain.

2.  Prepare Yourself to Listen. Relax.

3.  Put the Speaker at Ease. Help the speaker to feel free to speak.

4.  Remove Distractions. Focus on what is being said.

5.  Empathize. Try to understand the other person’s point of view.

6.  Be Patient.  A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished.

7.  Avoid Personal Prejudice. Try to be impartial.

8.  Listen to the Tone.  Volume and tone both add meaning to what someone is saying.

9.  Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words.  You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces.

10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication. Gestures, facial expressions, and eye movements can all be important.

As you read through this information, you may be thinking, “I don’t get it!  What does this have to do with finances?"  Well, as a matter-of-fact, listening has everything to do with finances and financial planning. When your spouse shares their goals, dreams and aspirations, are your listening ears turned on?  When you need to have a family meeting to discuss your farm succession plan, are you prepared to listen attentively to family members’ views?  When your partner is justifying why you should agree to purchase the cottage or boat, are you patient or impatient?  

A money matter is not the only issue where you are trying to convince others to accept your point of view. Perhaps the importance lies in listening to others’ concerns in the attempt to understand rather than to be understood.  Here’s your challenge.  If your listening skills need “some” work, pick one or two of the principles and apply them in your daily conversations.  See if you can become a better listener.  Pay attention to the results. You may be pleasantly surprised.