Thursday, June 6, 2019

The Need is Great

No one should ever have to encounter a loved one dying intestate, or in other words, without a last will and testament.  Dealing with and accepting a person’s death is beyond difficult.  To have no final instructions, which a will offers, is unimaginable.  To have no person in charge, which is the role of an executor, adds confusion. If you haven’t written your will, or equally as risky you haven’t reviewed your dated will, gaining an understanding of the intestacy rules may push you to do so.   

The Need to be Aware

Before diving into the legislative acts, the story of the “infamous holograph will” may add a measure of urgency to your quest to write your will.  Global News aired Cecil Geo Harris’ story of his “tractor fender will.”

On June 8th, 1948, this Saskatchewan farmer encountered an unfortunate accident.  He was pinned under his tractor.  Realizing his predicament and the possibility that he may not survive, he etched a sixteen-word hand-written will on the fender of his tractor. It read, “In case I die in this mess I leave all to the wife. Cecil Geo Harris.”

Regretfully, he didn’t survive but his will was found by the courts to be a valid holographic or handwritten will.  His final wishes were made known on a fender of a tractor.

Envision Mr. Harris’ dilemma in those crucial hours as he lay pinned under the tractor.  Regret may have weighed heavily on his mind for not doing what he should have done sooner. He understood the seriousness of not having a will and intentionally scribbled his final words.  Today, his ordeal is still talked about and studied in law textbooks on wills and estates. His case continues to be publicized so that others may avoid the problems that may arise if they don’t have a will.

The Need for Education

You may naturally assume in Mr. Harris’ case that he didn’t need a will based on the premise that his wife should have inherited everything.      

Here’s a question to test your understanding and offer that back-to-school nostalgia. This appeared in the course, Living Wills, Forms of Property Interests, Intestacy, and Probate, offered by The Canadian Institute of Financial Planning. 

Mr. Smith, a client, does not see the need for preparing a will. He is married, has two adult children and an estate valued at $1.4 million.  If he does not prepare a will, which of the following would be FALSE?

A.  His estate would be distributed according to the provincial intestacy legislation.

B.  The estate would be subject to probate fees.

C.  The distribution of the estate would be held up until the completion of the probate process.

D.  His spouse would receive all of his assets.
How did you respond? ... Well, the correct answer is D.

Sadly, Mr. Smith’s spouse would not receive all of her husband’s assets because of their two adult children.  We might think this shouldn’t apply because they’re not financially dependent on their father… but according to most provincial intestacy legislation, a spouse is entitled to receive a preferential share, a set amount of the estate. The reminder above this preferential share is then divided between the spouse and the surviving children or grandchildren. The children share in the wealth regardless whether they’re entitled to the property. Some may believe the intestacy formula is acceptable.  However, depending on the size of a person’s estate and personal circumstances, the spouse may not have adequate financial support. The situation becomes problematic given the time of passing and the spouse’s age and ability to earn an income.  Only a valid will would clearly define the appropriate distribution between a surviving parent and children.    

The Need for Intestacy Legislation

When you decide not to write a will, then you choose to leave the settlement of your estate in the hands of the courts. You may be hard-wired into believing the courts will treat your family fairly.  However, your treacherous tactic of relying on the government-made plan can unravel your family and permanently sever relationships.

When you make the choice not to write the most important document of your life, you should examine the one the government has written for you. Every province has put in place legislation; the Government of Saskatchewan dedicates a page on their website with pertinent information related to When the Deceased does not have a Last Will and Testament.    

The Government of Saskatchewan spells out the guidelines for distributing assets according to a formula in their The Intestate Succession Act, 1996. Definitely the one-size-fits-all rules are not appropriate for everyone but it’s the gamble a person takes when they don’t design their own will.  Certainly, some assets may pass outside your will if you have designated beneficiaries on your life insurance policies, pension plans, RRSPs and RRIFs or if you own property jointly with rights of survivorship.  You may even have a partnership or shareholder agreement in place for your business interests. However, other assets may be owned solely in your name and, therefore, will become part of your estate.    

Aside from the assets, let’s not overlook the most significant piece. The courts must appoint a person to act as your administrator.   Family can apply for the job. The list of eligible persons is lengthy. (Surprise, it also includes creditors). One can expect controversy to arise in any family if more than one individual steps forward and applies for the role.  However, everyone who chooses not to apply must renounce their right and give consent to the appointment.  The paper work is onerous. Delays are inevitable. The choice of administrator may not meet your approval but the fact is you’re not alive to protest.  Only when you are alive do you have the opportunity to define your own rules related to the appointment of your administrator and distribution of assets. 

The Need for Other Government Legislation

The daunting consequence of dying intestate is the “fight” your loved ones may need to undertake for their rightful entitlement.  No one should have to go through a costly legal battle to do this.  Various legislation provides for and protects your loved ones but they may need to plead their case to the courts.

Not all provinces and not all legislation within the same province recognize a common-law spouse in the same matter.  With so many different acts in Saskatchewan, The Intestate Succession Act (1996) and The Wills Act (1996) offer a definition while The Administration of Estate Act, for one, does not. Common law spouses may need to obtain a court order to declare they are a spouse and provide supporting evidence based on a number of factors.

Same-sex and opposite-sex common-law partners may also need to rely on other legislation, such as The Dependents’ Relief Act (1996), to obtain their rightful entitlement. This same regulation also applies to any dependents who require financial support from an estate.

When you die without a spouse and without a will, the Guardian and Public Trustee will step forward on behalf of minor children under the age of majority and name a guardian for them. Any inheritance rightfully entitled to a child will be held in trust until they reach the age of majority.  You can visualize all the twists and turns. Immediate concerns arise from relying on the Public Trustee to choose the ideal guardian and trustee.  From emotional standpoint a child’s welfare depends on a suitable match with a loving substitute parental figure. From a financial standpoint, a young adult potentially could squander their inheritance too quickly.  I don’t want to belabor the point but formal instructions outlined in a will could avoid the confusion and drama.
The Need to Understand

The intestacy rules appear relatively simplistic and straightforward when divvying your estate.  The responses appear to require a simple “Yes” or “No”.  But is it that easy?  Most intestate situations are not.  

Do you have a spouse?  As discussed previously, your province’s rules determine whether your common-law spouse is included in the distribution.   

Do you have children?  The wording in the intestacy legislation refers to the term “issue”. By definition, issue means “all lawful lineal descendants of the deceased” which broadly encompasses all children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, even those born within or outside of marriage and those who are legally adopted. In some provinces, children who are conceived, but not yet born at the time of their parent’s death, may also be included.  

Below depicts the order of distribution from Saskatchewan’s Intestate Succession Act and the questions progress until you have a definitive answer.  

  • Do you leave a spouse and no issue?

  • Do you leave neither a spouse nor issue?

  • Do you leave no spouse, issue, or parent?

  • Do you leave no spouse, issue, parent, or sibling?

  • Do you leave no spouse, issue, parent, sibling, nephew, or niece?

  • Do you leave no lawful heirs?

From others’ experiences, we know distant and unknown relatives tend to come out of the woodwork if they can lay claim to an estate. However, if there is no one who will inherit your estate, then your wealth will be acquired by the Government of Canada through the Escheat Act.

The Need to Care

Advisors are looking for ways to crack the code to convince more people to write their Last Will and Testament.  Stories, like that of Cecil Geo Harris, need to reach those who procrastinate in drafting this important document.  No doubt, Harris didn’t wake up that morning with thoughts of a pending accident or his death. Fortunately, he had sufficient time to fully understand his mess.  With some time, a pocket knife, and the ability, he cared enough to etch a short-worded will on a tractor fender.    

For no other reason, the intestate formula written by the provincial government should make people care about their families to ensure their loved ones are not left to deal with the aftermath of an intestate.  These points extend their reasons for caring even further:

  • Higher administration costs with intervention from the courts

  • Additional income taxes without the proper estate and tax planning strategies

  • Lengthy delays in the settlement of an estate

  • Reassurance of financial support to dependents

If you know any family or friends who have not written their Last Will and Testament, encourage them to: 

          Acquire legal advice from professional advisors as soon as possible. 

          Avoid relying on advice from family, friends, and neighbors about legal matters. 

          Absorb all the information about the consequences of dying without a will.

I rest my case but maybe you have something to add to this conversation.  Your comment is welcomed below.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Paying Attention to Our Reflectors

The reflectors on farm equipment provide better visibility when machinery is travelling on roads at night.  That’s a fact. Everyone wants to be made aware of the potential danger.  Without these important safety devices we may not see what lies ahead of us when we travel. 

When I spotted the reflectors on the air drill, my mind drifted to the reflectors in our lives.  Our professional advisors prepare us for the dangers we could encounter when we don’t pay attention to potential hazards.  They know the damage certain incidents would cause to our livelihoods and businesses.

Strong relationships are built on trust and honesty. Any recommendations from an advisor should be welcomed, encouraged, and assessed.  We would never want a member of our team to be anything less than honest because they are afraid of our reaction. 

Sometimes, personalities are known to clash. Some advisors willingly take the heat from their clients for their opinions. Both know that an honest opinion is part of being highly respected and valued.  As professionals they willingly take the risk.  They may witness similar situations with adverse consequences when the appropriate action is not taken. Initially, the truth may not be well received.  The conversation may revolve around taking on more debt than we are capable of financially managing, procrastinating about writing our wills, making time to put insurance in place before something happens to us, or pointing out the fact we are overspending.  Many critical and dire situations require hand holding and a firm I’m-saying-this-is-important so take my recommendations seriously. 

Are you aware of the reflectors in your life?  Do your consultants willingly straight-out tell you the truth, point out the potential dangers, and hold nothing back? 

Simply taking control of our situation ensures we control the outcome. We flippantly say we can’t control everything but we certainly can control the important matters.  

Think of your most trusted and valued advisors and assess your relationships.  Do you listen and follow their advice or do you tend to brush it off and say, “We’ll get to it someday”? 

Perhaps we need to create a “Someday List” so we don’t forget these promises to ourselves, family and advisors. The important condition attached to our “Someday” list is the need for a deadline so “it” gets done.  Misleading ourselves, or for that matter misleading others, is a dangerous strategy; something important, like drafting or revising a will, cannot be postponed indefinitely.

Time passes quicker than we realize.  Soon another year has lapsed; five, ten, maybe twenty years later, things on the list have been not addressed. We laugh when our wills still have guardians for our thirty-something-year-old children. Quite often the reason is a “scheduling” problem.  We don’t pencil these essential appointments in our calendar.  

When other fleeting activities derail our best intentions, here’s where we must become intentional.  We have to turn our “Someday” into sooner rather later. Next week! This month! Assign a date and a time to your “someday” tasks.

So let’s pay attention to the reflectors in our lives. They’re visible for good reason.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

What Matters Most

We’ve walked down that hallway of the nursing home countless times before but this past week apprehension seemed to walk in step with us.  On Sunday we weren’t certain what we would encounter when we arrived at my mother-in-law’s room but we knew the order, “Come now”, was urgent.

Often in my writings for Money Matters and So Do Your Dreams I speak about pursuing and achieving your dreams.  I fail to talk about the ideal dream.  You simply can’t attach a value to a loving and respectful bond with someone. We loosely toss about the time value of money (TVM) saying its value at the present time will be worth more in the future because of its potential earning capacity.  Imagine the time value of relationships. Through ups and downs, trials and tribulations, celebrations and challenges, relationships will also be worth more in the future because of their earning capacity from the support, encouragement, and love of others. Truly over the years, we can build wealth in terms of money and other assets, yet we should never underestimate the wealth we can and should build with others.

When we visit an elderly person at a care home, we will quickly notice the limited items they have in their room.  Their clothing, some furniture, perhaps a television or radio are a few things they may own…but it’s all they want because their other essential requirements, such a lodging, meals and medical needs, are being met.

When we look closer, one quick glance at their bulletin board puts their life in a clearer perspective. When we see pictures of them with their family and friends we know they are loved and respected.  We can’t put a price tag on these close relations.

My mother-in-law is the Queen of Love and Respect. These qualities are built into her DNA.  She always was the peacemaker…agreeable, loving, and supportive.  Her answer to everything, even today, is “Okay”.  

How are you? “Okay.”
Do you want some apple juice? “Okay.”
I am leaving now. “Okay.”

“Okay” is my mother-in-law’s philosophy.  A close cousin to “Okay” is “Content”. One wouldn’t think there are any similarities between the two but they speak volumes. “I’m okay with my world; I accept my circumstances.”  No further explanation is required.

Over the past three years, the flexibility in my career has allowed me to spend more time with my mother-in-law.  Now as we hang out in the “I-don’t-know” moment, we have no idea when her journey will end any more than we know when ours will end. The one comfort, however, is knowing we have a special bond.

In the last number of blog posts, the focus has been on preparing the right documents so when you exit this world you have all your paper work in order. But we haven’t discussed the questions: “Are your relationships in order?  Have you made peace with the people you need to make peace with?”

I know people who have put their affairs in order.  Because someone willingly apologized, he passed away knowing his severed friendship had been repaired. In another situation, someone chose to focus on the good qualities of the dying person rather than allow other factors to taint their value as a person.  Words of appreciation were spoken while they still had the chance.

Now it's your turn. Do you have any relationships you would like to change or any damaged ones you would like to mend?  You are encouraged to do so while you have the time to rid yourself of any regrets.  

Thursday, April 25, 2019

Who Will Step Into Your Shoes?

For most people, this makes sense.  If we can’t do it or if we are unable to do it, logic dictates that someone must do it on our behalf.


Let’s imagine. 

There’s been a car crash.  You were in an accident.  You survived but your recovery time is unknown.  You aren’t able to speak.  For many days you drift in and out of consciousness.  At this point, the doctors determine the best solution is to put you in an induced coma to allow your brain to relax and heal from its injuries.

Meanwhile, “back home” the bills have a life of their own.  Your monthly expenses continue to accumulate. Since you aren’t capable, someone has to be appointed to take care of your financial affairs while the medical team takes care of you.

This is when a Power of Attorney (POA) becomes not only a valuable document but an asset to you. For this reason, everyone should have this to fully complete their estate plan. A power of attorney for finances isn’t only for the elderly or disabled.  Anyone who is 18 years of age with a bank account and assets needs to have this document in place for the just-in-case-something-happens instances.


When considering someone for the job as your attorney, first, you must sincerely and unconditionally trust them. The term “attorney” means responsibility.  They are replacing “you” when you can’t be there to take care of your business, pay bills, handle investments, renew your mortgage, file your tax return, and manage daily financial matters. You are literally asking someone to step into your shoes and act responsibly on your behalf. Second, you must fully trust their ability to wisely and competently manage your finances. After all, you are giving free reign of your assets to someone else’s care.  


Many know they should have a power of attorney for finance yet many procrastinate about creating one the same way they procrastinate about creating their wills and power of attorneys for health or personal care. 

The question is, “Wouldn’t we rather decide who our attorney should be rather than allow the courts to make this decision on our behalf?”  We should never assume that our spouse or adult child can automatically look after our financial affairs if we become incapacitated due to an accident or illness. When misfortune strikes a power of attorney for finance is a practical document. Without one, we would be adding another layer of complexity to a worrisome situation.

When we neglect to appoint a Power of Attorney, the Public Trustee Office of the Provincial Guardian and Trustee may step in and take control of your affairs.  Granted, they make not be your first choice but until a family member applies to be your attorney or representative, this may be the only choice.  This governing body has often been referred to as “the decision-maker of last resort.”  I would not be comforted entrusting my financial affairs to strangers and I don’t believe you would either especially when we had the option to choose our attorney.  The responsibility can be assigned to a spouse, family member, or trusted friend. If our financial affairs are elaborate, we also have the option of appointing a lawyer or a trust company.  We convey who’s in charge.  

You may have reservations about naming specific family members to be your power of attorney if they cannot be trusted and are likely to abuse their powers.   It’s likened to asking the fox to guard the hen house. When people are in a desperate financial quandary, they may not hesitate to tap into someone else’s bank account, rationalizing they’re only temporarily borrowing the money. Even if their intentions are sincere to pay back the money, they may not have the financial means to do so.  The point is to exercise caution when choosing your attorney.



When choosing your power of attorney, you should ask if the person is willing to accept the responsibility.  For some, the time commitment may be burdensome or the decisions and duties too detailed and beyond their understanding. For example, a spouse, who has taken no interest in the day-to-day finances of the couple’s household, would feel overwhelmed with the tasks. The responsibility may be best given to an adult child.  Even an only child who doesn’t live within close proximity of her parents may find the tasks inconvenient. While selecting the ideal attorney as well as a potential back-up may be onerous, picking your substitute decision maker is important.  Keep hunting for the ideal person for the job.


A consultation with a lawyer is always advisable when deciding on the types of powers of attorney.  You may choose to place limits regarding the time frame or types of transactions.  While a general power of attorney imposes no limits.  A person would have a full range of financial activities they could perform on your behalf. 

The wording of a power of attorney also becomes extremely important if specific conditions are imposed with respect to the time the document takes effect.  Is the power given to the attorney immediately or only when one or two doctors declare that you are mentally incompetent?

Caution needs to be exercised in provinces where a power of attorney is revoked by mental incapacity. To safeguard the document, the proper wording must express, “The authority granted by this Power of Attorney shall continue notwithstanding any lack of capacity which may affect me.” This explanation confirms that regardless of your mental incompetence, the document still remains in effect.

Another important detail is power of attorneys become invalid upon death.  In other words, your power of attorney dies with you.  Its purpose was only to act on your behalf while you were alive; and your Last Will and Testament takes effect once you die.  The person(s) who take care of your affairs while you are alive and your estate once you die may or may not be the same individuals.  


Previously, I mentioned that many know they should have a power of attorney for their finances but haven’t done the work to see it through to the end.  There’s a difference between “knowing” and “acting”.  Simply knowing doesn’t magically create a power of attorney.  The action involves thinking, planning, and discussing your options with your family and lawyer. Then, the final stage is drafting your intentions into a powerful document. Anticipate the relief you will feel once you have done this.  But don’t stop there. Imagine the relief your family will have in case something happens. They will know who will step into your shoes and take charge.  And you can’t put a price on that kind of relief, peace, and comfort.

If you drafted your power of attorney, what did you find to be your greatest challenges?  You may share your thoughts in the comment section below.       

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Making Your Wishes Known

Have you had any tough conversations lately? If you haven’t, maybe you should.

Think about someone telling you:

“If I were ever at a point when I no longer have any control over who I am and no hope of having any quality of life, then I want to be allowed to die and not be kept alive by machines.”

Although these words may be difficult to hear, we at least know what someone else is thinking. The dangerous side of not sharing our intentions is asking our loved ones to read our minds in a life and death situation.  No one should have to make that kind of call to help determine the outcome.

Much emphasis is placed on our Last Will and Testament; however, we also need to look at the potential circumstances leading up to our death. Without any advance warning, our lives could dramatically change.  An unexpected accident. An unanticipated heart attack or stroke.  An unsuccessful surgery.  When our wishes are not made known to our families, we will compound the anxiety, fear, and grief.   Our family may be confused about making the right choices when our medical treatment is on line.

A personal care and health care directive steps in and serves an important purpose in our overall estate plan.  This document, often referred to as a “living will”, provides specific directions to a trusted individual to speak on our behalf and represent our wishes when we are incapable of speaking for ourselves.

The power of attorney for personal care begins like this,  

“I appoint my daughter to be my attorney for personal care, and I authorize my attorney to make decisions on my behalf with respect to my personal care if I am incapable of personal care, and any conditions and restrictions or specific instructions contained therein.” 

Our advanced health care directive addresses two aspects, our health care and personal care. Health care decisions primarily focus on the medical methods and procedures while personal care decisions relate to our daily lives, such as housing, nutrition, hygiene, clothing, and safety.  When we don’t have a voice, this directive will be our substitute advising both our families and medical professionals. We can be crystal-clear about our intentions if we do not wish heroic measures to be taken to prolong our lives or be kept alive by life-support machines when there is no hope of recovery.  Everyone will know without a doubt our wishes. The best outcome from any unfortunate incident is taking the pressure off our families from making difficult decisions.

In her book, You Can’t Take It With You, Sandra E. Foster stresses this document’s importance for two reasons.

In the event that you become incapacitated some day, I believe it is important to prepare a document regarding your future personal medical and personal care 1) so that you have legally chosen someone you trust to make these decisions on your behalf, and 2) so that you have provided surviving family with guidance to help them carry out your wishes. 

When we appoint someone to make decisions on our behalf, we should respectfully ask them if they want the “job”.  If we choose more than one attorney, they can make decisions on our behalf together unless we specifically state that they may act jointly or separately. 

When we hire someone for the job as our attorney, they must match the job’s criteria. We wholeheartedly declare, “I choose you because…”

“I trust you.”

“You understand my personal values.”

“You will follow my instructions.”

“You will make decisions in my best interest.”

“And most importantly, you will stand up for my wishes.”

On our birthday or Christmas, everyone asks “What are you wishing for?”  This is generally an easy conversation.  The most important, yet often difficult, conversation is sharing your wishes about our health care.  Your thoughts in writing can be the best gift you can give someone.  You’re revealing your plans in case something unexpectedly happens to you.  Let’s consider taking the burden upon ourselves to write our health care directives rather than casting the burden onto our families.

Please share in the comments below if you have made your wishes known to your family.  If not, why not?  Do you have any valid reasons? 

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Don’t Let Anything Stand in Your Way

The Heartache

Her sobs revealed the obvious; her heart was breaking. She was dealing with the unimaginable.  Her son died unexpectedly. No explanation. No advance warning. Because he had no spouse, no children, and no will, his widowed mother stood in line to inherit his large farm operation. She never anticipated this happening at her age.  Her decision could have been easy--sell everything--but it wasn’t.  Other farming children were involved. 
The Unknown

We’ll never know with certainty her son’s reasons for not having the discussions with his family or creating an estate plan.  We can only make assumptions.  He may have thought he was young, healthy, and possibly invincible.  He may have felt he had plenty of time to make his intentions known.  Or perhaps he found the decisions were too difficult and needed more time to make the “right ones”.

Let his story compel us to take action.  Let our story have a different ending.  Estate planning for a farming family will not always be “a walk in the park”. Tough decisions require meaningful conversations with family and farm advisors. Realistically, some decisions may be met with opposition from family but the opportunity must be taken to iron out the crinkles. Valid reasons may stop the process but shouldn’t stop us from crossing the finish line.   Here’s what we need to know.

Pushback from family about our decisions shouldn’t stand in the way of making our intentions known in writing. We may need to negotiate or compromise but ultimately, the final decisions will always be ours. 

Our sincere wishes are to protect and care for our loved ones and make known our charitable bequests. When we don’t honor our wishes, we cheat ourselves of our desires; and will only invite heartache, hurt feelings, and bickering into our families. Satisfying everyone may be impossible. Perseverance and courage will help fight our fears of not pleasing everyone. But when we are honest, our loved ones will know the reasons for our decisions and never be left to wonder “why”.   

The Reality

Assets alone do not determine wealth. Assets, such as investments, inventory, land, machinery and equipment may be offset against mountains of outstanding debt. Without a Net Worth Statement we clearly don’t know whether we have any wealth to distribute.    An encompassing estate plan looks at everything from insurance needs to tax planning strategies.   Only when we do our homework will we see what we own and owe.  Any potential dangers of eroding the value of our estate can be fixed with appropriate strategies to create the ideal plan.   

The Promise

Someone pointed out that anyone who doesn’t have an estate plan and a will is selfish.  Their focus happens to be only on their needs without any consideration for their loved ones.  The reasonable question is, “What would stop anyone from designing an estate plan so their family could remain united?” 

Peace and harmony, although not always achievable, should be the main objective.  When we build an empire, we have a say in how the empire is divided and shared among our beneficiaries.  An estate plan is designed to survey the accumulated wealth and decide the appropriate way to divide it.   

Although the task is daunting, we must fulfill our promises to ourselves and our loved ones. We keep our promises by revealing our intentions in writing.  When we don’t follow through with our promises, we miss the reward. 

The Reward

 Difficult tasks, like estate planning, are often shoved to the end of our to-do lists.  William James, one of the founders of modern psychology said, “Procrastination is attitude’s natural assassin. There’s nothing so fatiguing as an uncompleted task.” 

Every time we hear about someone’s unexpected injury, illness, or death, we think about our unfinished tasks. We feel a weight on our minds. Our Estate Plan which Power of Attorney, Health Care Directive, and Will, all hang in limbo because we haven’t made the time to complete it.   Once we commit and see this task to the end, our minds will be free of this burden. 

William James also said, “It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” 

When our attitude is aligned with our motivation, we will achieve our goal.  Our intentions must be driven by our love for our families.  We will do everything in our power to have them avoid any hardships or discord…and for us, to have the comfort and satisfaction knowing our wishes will be carried out when we die.   Simply knowing this makes all the effort we put into getting it done worth it.   

If you haven’t completed your estate plan, what reason is holding you hostage?  You are welcome to share your comment below.    

Thursday, March 14, 2019

The Elephant in the Room

When there’s an elephant in the room, we tend to carry on as though the elephant doesn’t exist.  We walk with him. We walk around him.  We make adjustments to accommodate him.  Often we never bother to do anything about him when he stands in the way of reaching our goals, dreams, and aspirations.

The elephant in the room is our addiction.  The list is long.  The website, Healthy Place, provides extensive articles on all addictions, from alcoholism and drug addictions to gaming disorders, and yes, even shopping.  The website’s purpose is to help us learn about addiction symptoms, causes, treatments and the struggles of living with an addiction.

The conversation is a tough one.  “What stops you from doing what you want to do?”  Often the reasons are anything but the real problem. People don’t realize the hold that the addictions have on them and the money it sucks from their bank accounts.   Their joy has been stolen.  The fun of living has vanished. Where’s the hope?  Let’s find out.

Asking for help is not a weakness. In actuality, it is a sign of strength and courage to want to improve your situation.  Seeing your money wasted on far lesser things than you would like may be a turning point. This is when progress can be made.   

If you think your life can’t change, then you are encouraged to read Johnnetta McSwain’s story in her book, Rising Above the Scars.  She had a traumatic childhood.  She dropped out of high school in eleventh grade and lived on the streets.  After years of barely getting by, she woke up on her thirtieth birthday, looked in the mirror, and didn’t like what she saw.  She writes,

“That day I woke up and realized I had absolutely nothing to celebrate–no money, no full-time job, no home, no husband, and no clue, not even the will to do better.  At last I knew it was time to make some changes.”

Her first step was to obtain her GED.  From there, she had a burning desire to go to college.  She attributed her success to her positive outlook.  “I realized I didn’t have to be smart,” Johnnetta explains, “I just had to be determined, motivated, and focused.  This came with a high price tag for me.  I had to exchange my thinking.  I had to think like a smart person.” And she did.  What about you? 

Living pay cheque to pay cheque because of an addiction or resorting to other means to support an addiction needs to end.  The elephant in your home needs to be acknowledged and talked about…

I first heard about Johnnetta’s story in John C. Maxwell’s book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.  In his book, a specific chapter is written about the Law of the Mirror, which reflects on the value you must see in yourself before you can add value to yourself.  The whole principle about change rests on our shoulders.  We must have the desire to want to change.  No one can make us change against our will.   If addictions stop us from reaching our potential, then this is the very reason we should latch onto someone who will inspire us to seek help.

Johnnetta was motivated by a profound thought:  “I get a chance to be anyone I want to be.” And she discovered a way.  

Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, offers this solution, “When there’s an elephant in the room introduce him.”

Do you have encouragement to share with others?  Please feel free to provide your perspective in the comment section below.