Who Will Step Into Your Shoes?

For most people, this makes sense.  If we can’t do it or if we are unable to do it, logic dictates that someone must do it on our behalf.

 

THE SITUATION

Let’s imagine. 

There’s been a car crash.  You were in an accident.  You survived but your recovery time is unknown.  You aren’t able to speak.  For many days you drift in and out of consciousness.  At this point, the doctors determine the best solution is to put you in an induced coma to allow your brain to relax and heal from its injuries.

Meanwhile, “back home” the bills have a life of their own.  Your monthly expenses continue to accumulate. Since you aren’t capable, someone has to be appointed to take care of your financial affairs while the medical team takes care of you.

This is when a Power of Attorney (POA) becomes not only a valuable document but an asset to you. For this reason, everyone should have this to fully complete their estate plan. A power of attorney for finances isn’t only for the elderly or disabled.  Anyone who is 18 years of age with a bank account and assets needs to have this document in place for the just-in-case-something-happens instances.

THE SELECTION

When considering someone for the job as your attorney, first, you must sincerely and unconditionally trust them. The term “attorney” means responsibility.  They are replacing “you” when you can’t be there to take care of your business, pay bills, handle investments, renew your mortgage, file your tax return, and manage daily financial matters. You are literally asking someone to step into your shoes and act responsibly on your behalf. Second, you must fully trust their ability to wisely and competently manage your finances. After all, you are giving free reign of your assets to someone else’s care.  

THE CONCERNS

Many know they should have a power of attorney for finance yet many procrastinate about creating one the same way they procrastinate about creating their wills and power of attorneys for health or personal care. 

The question is, “Wouldn’t we rather decide who our attorney should be rather than allow the courts to make this decision on our behalf?”  We should never assume that our spouse or adult child can automatically look after our financial affairs if we become incapacitated due to an accident or illness. When misfortune strikes a power of attorney for finance is a practical document. Without one, we would be adding another layer of complexity to a worrisome situation.

When we neglect to appoint a Power of Attorney, the Public Trustee Office of the Provincial Guardian and Trustee may step in and take control of your affairs.  Granted, they make not be your first choice but until a family member applies to be your attorney or representative, this may be the only choice.  This governing body has often been referred to as “the decision-maker of last resort.”  I would not be comforted entrusting my financial affairs to strangers and I don’t believe you would either especially when we had the option to choose our attorney.  The responsibility can be assigned to a spouse, family member, or trusted friend. If our financial affairs are elaborate, we also have the option of appointing a lawyer or a trust company.  We convey who’s in charge.  

You may have reservations about naming specific family members to be your power of attorney if they cannot be trusted and are likely to abuse their powers.   It’s likened to asking the fox to guard the hen house. When people are in a desperate financial quandary, they may not hesitate to tap into someone else’s bank account, rationalizing they’re only temporarily borrowing the money. Even if their intentions are sincere to pay back the money, they may not have the financial means to do so.  The point is to exercise caution when choosing your attorney.

            

THE CONVERSATIONS

When choosing your power of attorney, you should ask if the person is willing to accept the responsibility.  For some, the time commitment may be burdensome or the decisions and duties too detailed and beyond their understanding. For example, a spouse, who has taken no interest in the day-to-day finances of the couple’s household, would feel overwhelmed with the tasks. The responsibility may be best given to an adult child.  Even an only child who doesn’t live within close proximity of her parents may find the tasks inconvenient. While selecting the ideal attorney as well as a potential back-up may be onerous, picking your substitute decision maker is important.  Keep hunting for the ideal person for the job.

THE DETAILS  

A consultation with a lawyer is always advisable when deciding on the types of powers of attorney.  You may choose to place limits regarding the time frame or types of transactions.  While a general power of attorney imposes no limits.  A person would have a full range of financial activities they could perform on your behalf. 

The wording of a power of attorney also becomes extremely important if specific conditions are imposed with respect to the time the document takes effect.  Is the power given to the attorney immediately or only when one or two doctors declare that you are mentally incompetent?

Caution needs to be exercised in provinces where a power of attorney is revoked by mental incapacity. To safeguard the document, the proper wording must express, “The authority granted by this Power of Attorney shall continue notwithstanding any lack of capacity which may affect me.” This explanation confirms that regardless of your mental incompetence, the document still remains in effect.

Another important detail is power of attorneys become invalid upon death.  In other words, your power of attorney dies with you.  Its purpose was only to act on your behalf while you were alive; and your Last Will and Testament takes effect once you die.  The person(s) who take care of your affairs while you are alive and your estate once you die may or may not be the same individuals.  

THE RELIEF

Previously, I mentioned that many know they should have a power of attorney for their finances but haven’t done the work to see it through to the end.  There’s a difference between “knowing” and “acting”.  Simply knowing doesn’t magically create a power of attorney.  The action involves thinking, planning, and discussing your options with your family and lawyer. Then, the final stage is drafting your intentions into a powerful document. Anticipate the relief you will feel once you have done this.  But don’t stop there. Imagine the relief your family will have in case something happens. They will know who will step into your shoes and take charge.  And you can’t put a price on that kind of relief, peace, and comfort.

If you drafted your power of attorney, what did you find to be your greatest challenges?  You may share your thoughts in the comment section below.       

Making Your Wishes Known

Have you had any tough conversations lately? If you haven’t, maybe you should.

Think about someone telling you:

“If I were ever at a point when I no longer have any control over who I am and no hope of having any quality of life, then I want to be allowed to die and not be kept alive by machines.”

Although these words may be difficult to hear, we at least know what someone else is thinking. The dangerous side of not sharing our intentions is asking our loved ones to read our minds in a life and death situation.  No one should have to make that kind of call to help determine the outcome.

Much emphasis is placed on our Last Will and Testament; however, we also need to look at the potential circumstances leading up to our death. Without any advance warning, our lives could dramatically change.  An unexpected accident. An unanticipated heart attack or stroke.  An unsuccessful surgery.  When our wishes are not made known to our families, we will compound the anxiety, fear, and grief.   Our family may be confused about making the right choices when our medical treatment is on line.

A personal care and health care directive steps in and serves an important purpose in our overall estate plan.  This document, often referred to as a “living will”, provides specific directions to a trusted individual to speak on our behalf and represent our wishes when we are incapable of speaking for ourselves.

The power of attorney for personal care begins like this,  

“I appoint my daughter to be my attorney for personal care, and I authorize my attorney to make decisions on my behalf with respect to my personal care if I am incapable of personal care, and any conditions and restrictions or specific instructions contained therein.” 

Our advanced health care directive addresses two aspects, our health care and personal care. Health care decisions primarily focus on the medical methods and procedures while personal care decisions relate to our daily lives, such as housing, nutrition, hygiene, clothing, and safety.  When we don’t have a voice, this directive will be our substitute advising both our families and medical professionals. We can be crystal-clear about our intentions if we do not wish heroic measures to be taken to prolong our lives or be kept alive by life-support machines when there is no hope of recovery.  Everyone will know without a doubt our wishes. The best outcome from any unfortunate incident is taking the pressure off our families from making difficult decisions.

In her book, You Can’t Take It With You, Sandra E. Foster stresses this document’s importance for two reasons.

In the event that you become incapacitated some day, I believe it is important to prepare a document regarding your future personal medical and personal care 1) so that you have legally chosen someone you trust to make these decisions on your behalf, and 2) so that you have provided surviving family with guidance to help them carry out your wishes. 

When we appoint someone to make decisions on our behalf, we should respectfully ask them if they want the “job”.  If we choose more than one attorney, they can make decisions on our behalf together unless we specifically state that they may act jointly or separately. 

When we hire someone for the job as our attorney, they must match the job’s criteria. We wholeheartedly declare, “I choose you because…”

“I trust you.”

“You understand my personal values.”

“You will follow my instructions.”

“You will make decisions in my best interest.”

“And most importantly, you will stand up for my wishes.”

On our birthday or Christmas, everyone asks “What are you wishing for?”  This is generally an easy conversation.  The most important, yet often difficult, conversation is sharing your wishes about our health care.  Your thoughts in writing can be the best gift you can give someone.  You’re revealing your plans in case something unexpectedly happens to you.  Let’s consider taking the burden upon ourselves to write our health care directives rather than casting the burden onto our families.

Please share in the comments below if you have made your wishes known to your family.  If not, why not?  Do you have any valid reasons? 

Don’t Let Anything Stand in Your Way

The Heartache

Her sobs revealed the obvious; her heart was breaking. She was dealing with the unimaginable.  Her son died unexpectedly. No explanation. No advance warning. Because he had no spouse, no children, and no will, his widowed mother stood in line to inherit his large farm operation. She never anticipated this happening at her age.  Her decision could have been easy--sell everything--but it wasn’t.  Other farming children were involved. 

 

The Unknown

We’ll never know with certainty her son’s reasons for not having the discussions with his family or creating an estate plan.  We can only make assumptions.  He may have thought he was young, healthy, and possibly invincible.  He may have felt he had plenty of time to make his intentions known.  Or perhaps he found the decisions were too difficult and needed more time to make the “right ones”.

Let his story compel us to take action.  Let our story have a different ending.  Estate planning for a farming family will not always be “a walk in the park”. Tough decisions require meaningful conversations with family and farm advisors. Realistically, some decisions may be met with opposition from family but the opportunity must be taken to iron out the crinkles. Valid reasons may stop the process but shouldn’t stop us from crossing the finish line.   Here’s what we need to know.

Pushback from family about our decisions shouldn’t stand in the way of making our intentions known in writing. We may need to negotiate or compromise but ultimately, the final decisions will always be ours. 

Our sincere wishes are to protect and care for our loved ones and make known our charitable bequests. When we don’t honor our wishes, we cheat ourselves of our desires; and will only invite heartache, hurt feelings, and bickering into our families. Satisfying everyone may be impossible. Perseverance and courage will help fight our fears of not pleasing everyone. But when we are honest, our loved ones will know the reasons for our decisions and never be left to wonder “why”.   

The Reality

Assets alone do not determine wealth. Assets, such as investments, inventory, land, machinery and equipment may be offset against mountains of outstanding debt. Without a Net Worth Statement we clearly don’t know whether we have any wealth to distribute.    An encompassing estate plan looks at everything from insurance needs to tax planning strategies.   Only when we do our homework will we see what we own and owe.  Any potential dangers of eroding the value of our estate can be fixed with appropriate strategies to create the ideal plan.   

The Promise

Someone pointed out that anyone who doesn’t have an estate plan and a will is selfish.  Their focus happens to be only on their needs without any consideration for their loved ones.  The reasonable question is, “What would stop anyone from designing an estate plan so their family could remain united?” 

Peace and harmony, although not always achievable, should be the main objective.  When we build an empire, we have a say in how the empire is divided and shared among our beneficiaries.  An estate plan is designed to survey the accumulated wealth and decide the appropriate way to divide it.   

Although the task is daunting, we must fulfill our promises to ourselves and our loved ones. We keep our promises by revealing our intentions in writing.  When we don’t follow through with our promises, we miss the reward. 

The Reward

 Difficult tasks, like estate planning, are often shoved to the end of our to-do lists.  William James, one of the founders of modern psychology said, “Procrastination is attitude’s natural assassin. There’s nothing so fatiguing as an uncompleted task.” 

Every time we hear about someone’s unexpected injury, illness, or death, we think about our unfinished tasks. We feel a weight on our minds. Our Estate Plan which includes a Power of Attorney, Health Care Directive, and Will, all hang in limbo because we haven’t made the time to complete it.   Once we commit and see this task to the end, our minds will be free of this burden. 

William James also said, “It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.” 

When our attitude is aligned with our motivation, we will achieve our goal.  Our intentions must be driven by our love for our families.  We will do everything in our power to have them avoid any hardships or discord…and for us, to have the comfort and satisfaction knowing our wishes will be carried out when we die.   Simply knowing this makes all the effort we put into getting it done worth it.   

If you haven’t completed your estate plan, what reason is holding you hostage?  You are welcome to share your comment below.    

The Elephant in the Room

When there’s an elephant in the room, we tend to carry on as though the elephant doesn’t exist.  We walk with him. We walk around him.  We make adjustments to accommodate him.  Often we never bother to do anything about him when he stands in the way of reaching our goals, dreams, and aspirations.

The elephant in the room is our addiction.  The list is long.  The website, Healthy Place, provides extensive articles on all addictions, from alcoholism and drug addictions to gaming disorders, and yes, even shopping.  The website’s purpose is to help us learn about addiction symptoms, causes, treatments and the struggles of living with an addiction.

The conversation is a tough one.  “What stops you from doing what you want to do?”  Often the reasons are anything but the real problem. People don’t realize the hold that the addictions have on them and the money it sucks from their bank accounts.   Their joy has been stolen.  The fun of living has vanished. Where’s the hope?  Let’s find out.

Asking for help is not a weakness. In actuality, it is a sign of strength and courage to want to improve your situation.  Seeing your money wasted on far lesser things than you would like may be a turning point. This is when progress can be made.   

If you think your life can’t change, then you are encouraged to read Johnnetta McSwain’s story in her book, Rising Above the Scars.  She had a traumatic childhood.  She dropped out of high school in eleventh grade and lived on the streets.  After years of barely getting by, she woke up on her thirtieth birthday, looked in the mirror, and didn’t like what she saw.  She writes,

“That day I woke up and realized I had absolutely nothing to celebrate–no money, no full-time job, no home, no husband, and no clue, not even the will to do better.  At last I knew it was time to make some changes.”

Her first step was to obtain her GED.  From there, she had a burning desire to go to college.  She attributed her success to her positive outlook.  “I realized I didn’t have to be smart,” Johnnetta explains, “I just had to be determined, motivated, and focused.  This came with a high price tag for me.  I had to exchange my thinking.  I had to think like a smart person.” And she did.  What about you? 

Living pay cheque to pay cheque because of an addiction or resorting to other means to support an addiction needs to end.  The elephant in your home needs to be acknowledged and talked about…

I first heard about Johnnetta’s story in John C. Maxwell’s book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.  In his book, a specific chapter is written about the Law of the Mirror, which reflects on the value you must see in yourself before you can add value to yourself.  The whole principle about change rests on our shoulders.  We must have the desire to want to change.  No one can make us change against our will.   If addictions stop us from reaching our potential, then this is the very reason we should latch onto someone who will inspire us to seek help.

Johnnetta was motivated by a profound thought:  “I get a chance to be anyone I want to be.” And she discovered a way.  

Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, offers this solution, “When there’s an elephant in the room introduce him.”

Do you have encouragement to share with others?  Please feel free to provide your perspective in the comment section below.

Leading Yourself Successfully

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.”  John Quincy Adams

In his book, Leadership Gold, John C. Maxwell addresses a complex topic. He dedicated a chapter to “The Toughest Person to Lead Is Yourself”.   You can imagine the joy that comes with the freedom of truly being on your own after graduation.  But along with the joy comes some fear and apprehension.  You have to lead yourself well through challenges you have never had to deal with before.  Expenses like groceries, rent, and gas were not your responsibility.  Suddenly they are now yours.

Do you ever wonder what it’s like for someone experiencing such huge changes?   I was curious. Two post-secondary students willingly shared their time and their perspective of life after high school.  I am grateful to Abbey and Karina, two young women who explained their challenges.   They walked out of the doors of high school for the last time and left the security of their parents’ home to venture on their own.   My main question, as students, how did they manage their money? These young women were an inspiration to me; and I know their stories will be to you.

Abbey shared, “Leaving high school was exciting but it was also an awakening. It’s like jumping right into the deep end (of a swimming pool).  And you aren’t fully prepared.”

The greatest challenge is accepting the responsibility of managing the expenses. The desire to do “stuff” is always in the back of your mind when you are out and about with your friends.  The advantage is the peer pressure is not a factor when your friends are also students.  Their situations are similar.  Their budgets are similar.  Students simply understand and feel the same about their inability to spend freely.  They tell it like it is: “I can’t afford to…”

Abbey confirmed she is an avid goal-setter.  She plans her day. Scheduling her school assignments encourages her to complete them well in advance.  Her progress pays off.   This skill carries forward in the way she manages her finances over the school term.  When she works during the summer months, she saves money, knowing she will need it down the road.

The most effective way Abbey deals with buying impulses is picturing herself five years from now.  She tells herself I only want to pay for the things I need today to get me through my studies. She considers her purchases very seriously and fully understands that if she buys furniture and text books, she does so because she needs to use them now.   Her willingness to forfeit a new pair of jeans shows that her priorities are crystal clear.

Karina also confirmed that being friends with students certainly imposes less pressure on their fun activities.  As a university student, her advice is to find that personal balance between fun and study/work.  Having hard conversations with yourself are tough but necessary.  She asks herself, “Is this actually necessary?” Karina finds she analyzes the difference between a “need” and “want” all the time.  She appreciates having a bank app on her phone.  Karina strategizes, “My bank account can make the decision for me.”   

On occasion Karina has been known to self-diagnose herself with “buyer’s guilt”.   After a mini-shopping spree, she has a sickly feeling for spending more than she has given herself permission.  Obviously, this is a warning signal to tread with caution.

One significant change Karina noticed was items magically appear when she lived at home but didn’t when she was on her own.  The obvious, everyday household items like toilet paper and Q-tips were now musts on her shopping list.     

Karina works part-time while she attends university.  When she is working, she finds she is more relaxed with her money. But when her income is irregular, she finds this to be quite disturbing.

Both women attribute their money habits to the values instilled by their parents.   During Abbey’s high school years, she worked at numerous jobs.  Her father’s advice was to take part of what she earned and put it away for the future.  She was free to do what she wanted with the rest. 

Karina also shared that her parents always reminded her to live within her means.  This advice resonates with her.  Karina ensures the money is in place before making a purchase.  And when she does, the purchase is based upon quality and usefulness over the long term.  This is smart shopping on her part.

They both attested that they are getting close to the end of their studies. Abbey will soon complete her dental assistant program and Karina will have acquired her Bachelor of Education and Arts degrees. They hope to be earning a steady income. No matter which way you look at it, whether there’s a light at the end of a tunnel or they’re running their victory lap, this part of their journey is in sight.    Living as a student certainly means living on a tight budget when the income is limited.  So the question is whether these sound money management skills continue into their futures?  Abbey wasn’t certain.  Right now she admits students’ situations are so similar.  Later when everyone is employed, they may not be as transparent about their finances.  

Of course, my concern is the more money we make the more we will be prone to spend and borrow. Then we begin to see our regular pay cheques as oil wells which will never go dry.  On the other hand, I wouldn’t expect everyone to live like “a student”… but I hope we would remember what the feeling was like so we never want to live under that kind of pressure again.   

In the chapter previously mentioned, Mr. Maxwell refers to leading ourselves as the biggest challenge simply because we tend to be our own enemies. Leading ourselves well applies to every area of our lives.  These young women’s stories are impressive.  They took their first year away from home in stride to figure things out on their own; and once they did, they settled into a new way of life.   Their life jackets, their support from family and friends, were always nearby but their solid values were their mainstay.   They have obviously used their solid values to successfully leading themselves.   

Are you a student pursuing a post-secondary education with some words of wisdom to share?  You may do so here in the comments below.

Going to the Chapel

♫Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married

Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married

Gee, I really love you

And we're gonna get married

Goin' to the chapel of love♫

Is this your song or maybe your children’s? 

Valentine’s Day, February 14^th, is known for creating sparks of love and affection between couples and also for being one of the most popular days of the year for marriage proposals.

The excitement of, “Yes, I will marry you,” is followed with the wedding plans. The flurry of excitement suddenly becomes overweighed with decisions about the guest list, venue, food, music, flowers, photographer, and so much more.  (Oh dear, I forgot the wedding dress!)  When considering all the details, the most vital question which needs to be in the forefront, “How much do we want to spend on the most important day of our lives?” Or rather, “How much can we afford to spend?”

One quick search on the Internet reveals hundreds and hundreds of checklists and ideas on how to craft the perfect wedding. First, couples should share their thoughts about what their perfect day looks like before hunting for information.  Making this first decision as a couple, whether to be frugal, extravagant, or meet somewhere in the middle, is the prelude to a lifetime of decisions about money as a married couple.  It’s not a secret that the leading cause of divorce is arguments over money.  For all we know, the way a couple handles the costs of their wedding could be the real test and testimony to their life choices about money.

Nothing speaks louder and clearer about, “What will the wedding cost?” than a calculator and pencil with an eraser.  The formula is simple. Add all the associated costs.

This + That + These + Those = $$.$$

We want to know the total cost commitment for our dream wedding.  Only then can we decide whether we want to cut corners or where we have to cut corners.

When we know how much the wedding will cost, the next step will be easy. We know how much money we have to save.  We have a goal to work towards our big splurge.  This is far better than the alternative, relying on credit to pay for the wedding.  If anyone thinks saving money before the wedding will be difficult, imagine borrowing the money and making payments (with interest charges) after the wedding.

Quite often, parents may be willing to share some of the wedding costs.  Parents should know in advance the cost of their commitment.  Making a verbal agreement beforehand might become quite a shock if specific details are not shared in advance. The same question asked previously, also applies to parents, “How much can we afford?”  Rather than share the costs, parents may opt to give a specific amount of money towards the wedding expenses, so they don’t destroy their piggy bank.  

  

Some key takeaways for the soon-to-be newlyweds.

q Do your homework in advance.

q Determine your options and the cost of the important must-have details. 

q Take appropriate steps to set limits on the wedding expenditures.

q Understand who is involved in sharing the costs and their commitment.

q Lastly and most importantly, have fun on the most memorable day of your life.

q Enjoy every moment.

If anyone has previously planned a wedding and has any advice to offer, please share in the comments below.