Thursday, July 25, 2019

Dealing with Difficult

"What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose.  All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." - Helen Keller

“Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not,” said Thomas Huxley. This go-to-quote has been etched on my brain for those moments when I don’t feel like doing something.  I am propelled to do the things I dread: the mundane tasks, the challenging jobs, and especially the “I’d-rather-not” ones. When unpleasant tasks appear, my reluctance collides with this message. Somehow, it works.  I dig deep and tackle the chore placed before me.

Do you face the same reluctance when confronted with difficult tasks?  Some happen to be more arduous than others.

A week ago my husband and I, along with family members, sat in the front pews of our church.  My mother-in-law’s funeral was both beautiful and sad.  At ninety-one, her life was well-lived and well-loved, filled with both despair and joy, packed with tears, hopes and fears. As we said, “Our Farewells”, I recognized an important detail.  She entrusted her son (my husband) to carry out her final wishes for her funeral service.  Everything down to the last detail was perfectly planned, including the inscription on her remembrance card with the chorus to her favorite song, “You are My Sunshine”.   

The majority of my mother-in-law’s funeral arrangements had been preplanned. We were left only with the final details, which still felt like a lot to handle as we grieved. Even when we expect the inevitable, we cannot adequately prepare for it.  The death of a loved one still catches us off guard and fills our hearts with profound sadness.

So how does a preplanned funeral help?

Concentra Trust, a national trust company specializing in estate and trust solutions, presented a unique perspective about preplanning our funerals.  

“Preplanning a funeral may seem morbid, until the benefits are fully considered. Having family members make decisions while grief-stricken may be traumatic for them, and could also be costly to the estate. Grief, combined with indecision as to the deceased’s wishes may cloud their judgement. Imagine a room filled with expensive orchids and roses and a gold-trimmed ebony casket, when the deceased actually wanted cremation and a memorial service with a simple bouquet of their favourite flowers … daisies.”

When we take the steps to preplan our funerals, we prevent our families from having to guess.  Our funeral instructions provide them with clear directions.   As difficult as this task is (or morbid – as described by Concentra Trust) our focus should be on our family. We do this to ensure the grieving is not harder than it needs to be when they say, “Farewell.”

Below Concentra Trust provides a simple questionnaire for your consideration.  Please take the time to make your wishes known to your family.

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